what would you do

monty73741 · Post by **monty73741** » May 2nd, 2005, 12:59 pm

a pal of mine,
got a settlement from an accident & in 2 years has totaled or blown up 3 cars

disrepects his parents, (manly since he's 19 & not in school his parents want rent & want him in @ a decent hour)

doesnt really have a job

street races, messes around with girls that are way way too young

I understand people need to make mistakes & learn from them but i have given my advice & this kid is pretty good kid,but he doesnt hear me...

what would anyone here do

papa roached · Post by **papa roached** » May 2nd, 2005, 1:25 pm

sounds like a doushe to me, sorry to say

Tunes67 · Post by **Tunes67** » May 2nd, 2005, 1:33 pm

I did a lot of crap when I was 18.. I wont go into details.. but what woke me up was a trip to jail... in the back of a squad car..

The way he is going.. sounds like he will get that wake up call all on his own very soon

Not much you can do about it man.. I would say that after he goes through it.. you can be the one person that doesnt say "I told you so".. and that goes a long way to reaching people sometimes..

Tunes67

tw1st3d_cl0wn · Post by **tw1st3d_cl0wn** » May 2nd, 2005, 1:35 pm

I find with old friends I've had, friends like the guy you're talking about, the biggest thing I could do to get their attention was to let them know how I felt about what they do and then just not talk to them for awhile.
I mean with friends I've had like that, I offered to help them find jobs, give advice, whatever, but there's only so much you can do before you have to just step away from the situation. It's kind of like, if they want to act like an idiot, fine, but people with a sense of responsibility won't want to be around them. Maybe when his parents put their foot down, (kick him out if he doesn't pay rent or contribute anything) he'll wake up and realize what a jerk he's been. That's usually what it takes.

tw1st3d_cl0wn · Post by **tw1st3d_cl0wn** » May 2nd, 2005, 1:36 pm

I find with old friends I've had, friends like the guy you're talking about, the biggest thing I could do to get their attention was to let them know how I felt about what they do and then just not talk to them for awhile.
I mean with friends I've had like that, I offered to help them find jobs, give advice, whatever, but there's only so much you can do before you have to just step away from the situation. It's kind of like, if they want to act like an idiot, fine, but people with a sense of responsibility won't want to be around them. Maybe when his parents put their foot down, (kick him out if he doesn't pay rent or contribute anything) he'll wake up and realize what a jerk he's been. That's usually what it takes.

monty73741 · Post by **monty73741** » May 2nd, 2005, 1:39 pm

i know his parents are gonna kick him out, i just dont want him going through 50,000 & have nothing to show for it..........i know why he wont listen he's 19 & i'm 27,
I think it might be time to have an intervention

Flashpoint2 · Post by **Flashpoint2** » May 2nd, 2005, 1:42 pm

I agree! I was a hellrasier when I was a kid. I never quite made it to jail, but that was the next step. it'll go something like this: either he'll see the error of his ways on his own (like perhaps a jail wake-up call), or he wont, in which case he *WILL* regret it. You can talk till you're blue in the face, it wont do any good. If he's basically a good kid anyway, it's likely he'll come around. I was like that at 19 too (minus the settlement

). I just got bored of it.. alway in trouble, looking out for the cops.. meh.. it's just not worth it.

tw1st3d_cl0wn · Post by **tw1st3d_cl0wn** » May 2nd, 2005, 1:44 pm

It sucks, but he might have to make that mistake in order to learn. I mean, this guy I know he's 36, and won a couple settlements from accidents, and then got attacked and won a settlement from that. He blew it all on crap, and now has nothing to show for it, and doesn't have a place to live, and still hasn't learned. But that's because people kept bailing him out (parents, other friends) and finally everyone's making him live with the consequences of his actions. The sooner his parents make your friend go out and be an adult and live in the real world, the sooner he'll learn.

freyguy_412 · Post by **freyguy_412** » May 2nd, 2005, 7:33 pm

One thing that struck me in the opening post was that his parents want rent AND want him in at a decent hour.... if I lived with my parents and paid for it they sure as hell wouldn't be telling me what my curfew was.

Back to this guy being a duchebag... I'm sorry you have friends that will put you in this situation man. It's not a fun place to be. Try sitting him down and seriously hashin it out with him, and then hope for the best. It's probably going to take a life changing event to get him to see his mistakes. Here's mine:

In high school, my boy and I used to trash stuff at night. Break trashcan lids in the park, egg peoples houses and cars (store here sells 5 dozen eggs for 4.99..... 20 bucks went a long way), steal stupid little stuff like wet floor signs, general mischeif kinda stuff. Did it for years, probably ruined a couple thousand peoples days (or months). One night we went paint balling.... houses, cars, cats, mail boxes you name it! Realized after about 3 hrs that there was a cop coming up fast w/o any lights at all, totally stealth. So I kinda drove for home, and got right in front of my mom's house before he hit me with the lights and siren chirp... 3 am over his loud speaker, "Driver, Passenger: Put your hands out the window and onto the roof, do it now!" Cops were called and told a little yellow pickup was firing shots as it drove past houses. 5 more police cars show up on my little side street before they ordered us out one at a time, made us walk backward toward the sound of their voices and cuffed us. My boy never realized there were 9 officers with weapons drawn ready to dust us.

Anyway, long story (not so) short, it took 9 police officers performing a "Full Felony Stop" on me in front of my mom, complete with them yelling at her to go back inside or face obstruction of justice charges, took all that for me to realize it's time to grow up. Your boy will grow up someday, just hopefully not the way I did.

mymx.3 · Post by **mymx.3** » May 2nd, 2005, 7:54 pm

As a Mom of a 25 and a 21 yr old boys and having the oldest breaking the law constantly from age of 14 till 20 ... he had to hit bottom before he smarten up .. we would not pay for the lawyer, he couldn't come home and we wouldn't bail him out .. he had to learn the hard way .. of course being a parent he wasn't going to listen at all to anything we had to say .. for 5 yrs now he has completely changed around and knows now what he has done and regrets it alot. He was lucky ... as to your friend I know you are concern but it isn't your responsibility .. have to realize he may never change

mitmaks · Post by **mitmaks** » May 2nd, 2005, 8:26 pm

sounds like my cuz.. lazy a-- and doesn take any responsibility in his life, I say find someone else to be friends with

monty73741 · Post by **monty73741** » May 2nd, 2005, 9:17 pm

back to the having to pay rent...

my mom & dad charged me rent when i got out of high school, when i was not enrolled in school, it was to teach me how the real world is. & i had a curfew of 12.

I understand he was 18 & there was no need for him on the streets that late, I mean baltimore really doesnt have much for kids under 21. & also his parents paided most of the bills, he didnt have to pay for Gas & electric, cable, phone etc etc...his dad got up early & didnt want to get woken up he also had a lttle brother too, He also got made cause his parents wanted to know which one of his friends were in the house & who they were

Nd4SpdSe · Post by **Nd4SpdSe** » May 3rd, 2005, 8:34 am

Personally, I never got into that kinda of trouble, cause if I did, my dad would literally kick my a--

After school and found a job that was making decent money, my parents charged me rent, but never officially gave me a curfew, but they knew I wasn't getting into trouble, or out drinking or doing drugs or anything bad, I would more likely be out with friends, and just staying out until about 12p-1am, maybe later, but even then it was something that I didn't to that often, so they understood I'm allowed to have fun sometimes. My sister however like to party and drink, now only to my parents really frown upon that, but she used to some home 2-3am, even if she had to work in the morning. My dad would give he a speech, especially if she has a hang over, I think most of the concern is that my mom is affraid of my sister turning into her (my mom's) older sister, who is literally a chain smoking alcoholic (although my sister does smoke), and with her weakend state, plus all the drugs she takes for all he problems, I would put money on that my grandmother (her mother) will outlive her.

tw1st3d_cl0wn · Post by **tw1st3d_cl0wn** » May 3rd, 2005, 9:15 am

Nd4SpdSe wrote:Personally, I never got into that kinda of trouble, cause if I did, my dad would literally kick my a--

After school and found a job that was making decent money, my parents charged me rent, but never officially gave me a curfew, but they knew I wasn't getting into trouble, or out drinking or doing drugs or anything bad, I would more likely be out with friends, and just staying out until about 12p-1am, maybe later, but even then it was something that I didn't to that often, so they understood I'm allowed to have fun sometimes. My sister however like to party and drink, now only to my parents really frown upon that, but she used to some home 2-3am, even if she had to work in the morning. My dad would give he a speech, especially if she has a hang over, I think most of the concern is that my mom is affraid of my sister turning into her (my mom's) older sister, who is literally a chain smoking alcoholic (although my sister does smoke), and with her weakend state, plus all the drugs she takes for all he problems, I would put money on that my grandmother (her mother) will outlive her.

It's cool that your parents trusted you like that. I'm like you though, I never gave my parents a reason to suspect I was doing the wrong thing. Seemed like all my friends at the time (I was like 17, 18 ) were getting into drugs and stuff, and I didn't want any part of that. At first they thought I was lame, and stopped hanging out with me, but eventually it seemed like when they started having consequences, like losing jobs, or getting kicked out of where they lived, dropping out of school, THEN they suddenly appeared back in my life, wanting to be buddies again. Weird how that works. Sucks about your sister, hopefully she'll straighten up if she hasn't already. Do you guys still live with your parents?

Nd4SpdSe · Post by **Nd4SpdSe** » May 3rd, 2005, 1:13 pm

I guess what really got them to trust me is (back in highschool) that I called them up at 2am in the morning to pick me up from a party cause everyone was just drinking and stuff, I wasn't really having a good time. I remember overheading them telling that to some of their friends, I guess they were really proud of me. But I don't drink (I never caught onto it and never understood it) so I never came home drunk or smelling like booze, and I rarely came home smelling like cigarettes (never now will all the bans on smoking) since i don't go to bars or clubs. I just never did stuff that was questionable, so they really had no reason not to not trust me.

I moved out into a basement appartement 2 months ago because of a job, it was safer and easier on the body and cheaper than commuting 1.5-2.5hrs a trip, but I still no home every "weekend" Thursday/Friday" since there's nothing up here for me, plus mine and my dads tools for working on my car are there

, plus I do miss them, even if it is my parents, it's nice to have someone else around to talk to (my mom's home during most of the day, she's only a janitor for 3 hours in the evening), I do get along with them very well.

My sister still lives at home. She actually almost started smoking a few weeks ago. My mom started to notice it when she started to smell like smoke just comming home from work (vet assistant), and decided to look and found cigarettes in her purse. When my mom mentioned it, I found it weird cause I was in my sister's room using her computer (the only computer at my parents house until i get my dad a new laptop) and once in a while I got a quick and very faint wiff of cigarette, but I tought I was crazy, until my mom mentioned it to me the next day what she found. She didn't tell my dad cause he'd flip, especially since he quit smoking colt turkey just after I was born, for my health, and my mom's dad died from smoking, he was on a respirator for a few years, just made it a few months past his 50th wedding anniversary. So far so good...