I'm sorry everyone, But I have nowhere to turn to..

[manowar821]

This sh1t sucks... I can't talk to any friends about this, because that would be weird.. I don't know..
My girlfriends parents are terrible, her mom and dad are divorced, and have been for many years now.. They are both remarried and still fight, basically it's all about money.. They put my girl in the middle, her mother sends e-mails claiming that my girlfriend requested money from her father, which she didn't. My girl doesn't care about it, she just wants them to respect her. On my girls birthday this Saturday, we were supposed to go to dinner with them. She opened a letter from her father, and found out that her mom had put words in her mouth again (she's in college, and she gets her mail only when she visits her parents place). She was super pissed..

They got into a big argument, cursing ensued, and she said "we're leaving!" and I followed.. She's angry because her mother cares about money and not her feelings. Her whole family is terrible.

Now... Her parents pay for her school (her college is super expensive) but she doesn't exactly want to speak to her mother again, she wants nothing to do with the family anymore.. Which is understandable, but she wont give up on her dream of being a dentist...
So today, I went over to hang with her, and she said she thought of a way to pay for school, but that I wouldn't like it. I guessed a few times, and finally she hinted toward stripping... I absolutely cannot stand it. She is NOT the kind of person to ever do it, she hates it, and so do I... We hate porn, we hate strippers, we hate whores... She doesn't want to, but she says "well, I can make good money, and they don't touch me" I am so sad, I don't want her to have to, I look at it as cheating.

We talked about it all day, and she seems like she really doesn't want to, and that she wants a different way to get money, or perhaps even give up on school for now. But I think she should just keep dealing with her family for a free ride.. I would personally keep dealing with them, until school is over, and I am a doctor... I don't understand how terrible her family is completely, I didn't go through it as a kid like she did.... My family is loving and respectful. I wish I could trade, I want her to have the best..

If she strips, she will be dead to me, I don't respect those people at all..
I want to keep loving her. I want her to have a free ride from her parents.

She's my love, the love of my life, but if she goes and does something like that to make money, she wont be the girl I fell in-love with anymore....

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!??!

I'd do anything for her, I'd rob banks or be a jewel thief for her... I'd even strip so she doesn't have to..

This is a terrible situation, I hope you guys and girls don't have to go through it.... If anyone has ANY advice, I would love you forever.

...Damnit...

Seeing her in pain, hurts me so much...

[V8KOMX3]

wow dude that sucks I have parents that are that way so I know what she has to deal with. I have dated a few stippers in my life and most of them are not like most people stripping changes the way they look at life and themselves. But there are really only a few choices 1) she can try do live with the crap her parents give her and get the free ride 2) She will have to get some kind of job that can support the college bills 3) You can pay for her schooling being your a doctor (just a thought) 4) there are grant and stuff she can get to help pay for school. I don't know what else to say besides good luck to the both of you. Myself I would look into option 4 first

[jschrauwen]

I'd do anything for her, I'd rob banks or be a jewel thief for her... I'd even strip so she doesn't have to..

Since you made this statement, tells me that you both would take drastic measures to get what each of you's needs, wants or desires. If you would consider doing the strip thing to save her would you be also be dead in her eyes (using your words)? As much as it is hard to do, when we feel that there is something we have to do, sometimes the best thing to do is nothing....as hard as it may seem. I mean to say that ultimately, it is her decision to make and if that decision is to strip than if you love her enough than you have to respect her decision. If that decision is something you are unable or unwilling to live with, ie, you can no longer stay in the relationship because of that decision, than you and her must accept that too. These decisions are not a right or wrong issue. They are about personal feelings and feelings are never right or wrong they are simply feelings. How you feel about a possible decision by her to strip is not a right or wrong thing. It's how you act or react on those feelings. Why not take things one step at a time. And before any decisions are made by either of you, have a lengthy talk about how each of you feel about this. Telling your GF ahead of time that your relationship would be over if she decides to strip may not be a wise choice. You are in a suttle way making a bit of a threat to change her mind. Deal with the feelings and issues TOGETHER as they come along - meaning talk to each other and see where that path takes you. I know that a lot of this may be hard to get through but like you said, this is her way of cutting herself away from the hurt, bitterness and pain that seems to be a recurring thing when ever she has to deal with her parents. Her putting up with the pain just for the sake of having school paid for is a decision for her to make not you. As long as she knows how you feel and that you are there to support her is all one could ask for. It appears to me that your GF may have difficulty in making boundries when it comes to her parents. Establishing healthy boundaries are good and a necessary part of everyonres lives. I personally wish I could make more for myself and actually stick to them. Basically, her taking a firm position as to what's acceptable from either parent and what's not. Maintaining that boundary is a good but difficult thing to do and at times may need your support in that matter. Take things one step at a time and be there for support when she asks. If it get sto a point where her decision to strip crosses your boundary, which appears to be so for you than she must respect what you will do if she crosses that boundary. DO NOT use these personal boundaries as leverage against each other to achieve your own personal will or goal. That's not an appropriate way to deal with each other. keep talking to each other and what ever unfolds is what was meant to be, whether we like it or not. This may not be the answer you were looking for but only my personal take on this based on the info and my interpretation of that info. Hope I could have been of some help.

[tw1st3d_cl0wn]

Well, she could look into like financial aide, or other kinds of grants. I mean, you don't have strip to pay for college. There are alot of resources out there. But if her parents are willing to pay for school, maybe she should just kind of put up with their crap until school is over. She should just limit her contact with them. Set some boundries. I know it's hard to deal with parents like that, I know from experience. But stripping to pay for her education isn't going to make it all better. I am planning to go to school soon, and I don't have support from my parents, because they'd rather keep all their money to themselves. And that's their choice. I will have to take out loans. But that's life. Doesn't mean I have to strip.

The best thing you can do is be there for her, and give her advice, and tell her not to make any bad decisions based on anger, and resentment towards her parents. And also, don't feel like it's your responsibility to "save" her, because there's only so much you can do. Hopefully she makes the right choice. Good luck.

[Nd4SpdSe]

I fould be affreaid that she might not get financial aid, especially if she lives with her parents, they probably make too much for her to get approved, especially since they are currently paying for it

Wouldn't being a stripper bite her in the arse later on, if word got around, it may hurt her reputation, as a doctor and a person...Life ain't easy. I don't know how much school she has left, but putting up with a few years of hell to accomplish something great like being a dentist is worth it IMO, the rest of her life afterwards would make up for the years of agony she had to put through, and he can live in peace, far away, never having to deal with her parents again.

Let you know how you feel about her being a stripper...it may make the situation worse for her, having to worry about loosing you adding to the stress he has now. As you said, she doesn't want to do it, but if it comes down to desperation and she does, the best thing you can do is support her decision...she's stuck between a rock and a hard place, she needs a way out, but she's gonna need to think long and hard about it, but she'll do what she needs to do to survive.

I'd go to the extreme and say to her, or even you, to reason with her mother, tell her that she's frustrated and upset, that she doesn't like to see her parents fight like that (*insert sob story here* - she prolly doesn't care, but adding a sob story may help her mom to understand and ease off) and that it really upsets her when she get's in the middle, that she's being force to take sides, even tho she doesn't want to take any sides, and she doesn't want this to affect her relationship between herself and her mother and/or father. But I doubt that will work, her mom sound pig-headed and prolly won't reason.

[tw1st3d_cl0wn]

It sounded to me as if she doesn't live at home since she has to pick up her mail. Maybe I read it wrong. It just sounds to me she is angry, and rightfully so, but she's starting to want to make decisions based on hurt and anger, which isn't good. I find I don't always make the best choices when I am still reacting to something that hurt me or made me angry. She needs to give it time before making such a huge decision. Maybe if she starts setting boundries, and makes it obvious she isn't going to be in the middle anymore, maybe her parents will treat her more like an adult. I used to be put in the middle alot, until I got really sick of it, and told both my parents I wasn't going to deal with it. Everytime they brought something up, I would ignore it. I would step out of that situation. I even stopped talking to my mom for 6 months until she finally understood I wasn't going to play along anymore. It's obvious her parents are not acting like adults, so maybe she has to step up and be one.

Another thought: Maybe she could talk to a school counselor about this. Maybe they could somehow give her advice, because this is afftecting her education.

[nos92mx3]

manowar821, how many years of schooling does she have left? If its not to many id say to stick it out with her parents.
But what i would do is get her parents together and have a heart to heart talk with them all 4 of you. Id sit them down and let your GF and you speak and if they dont want to listen, cut your ties and find another way to pay for school (ie Stripping as a last resort). I was too the Puppet between my mother and Father for 7 f---ing years, and i hate my father for it, i just recently began talking to him again and even though my mom is over it he still brings s--- up from 7 years ago.
If they dont want to listen, cut your ties, even though how much your GF loves her parents its emotionally distressing longer than what it would be if you cut the ties

[Franko]

Holy s---! The whole situation is insane!
Ok dude.. There has to be some alternative to becoming a stripper, like seriously. I cant imagine how I would feel if I was in the same situation as you.. but just reading your post make me feel all nervous inside..
There has to be some student loan that she can get from somewhere.. or take a loan out from the bank! There are ways to deal with this.. For the love of allmighty god! DO NOT LET HER BECOME A STRIPPER! Can you imagine how she would feel in like 10 years? Sure shes a dentest but she had to have thilthy old men hooting and staring at her to get there. There are ways around it man.
The best solution here is for her to make up with her parents. I know it seems difficult right now but the fact here is that your family is forever. You are stuck with them. They obvously must love her and she loves them, what needs to happen is she needs to get them togethor and talk about things. I know its one of those things that is easier said than done but she is just going to have to bite the bullet. It would be alot easier than stripping and she would sleep better at night having made up. This is the way it has to happen. Otherwise you wont look at her the same anymore.. she wont feel the same about herself because what she used to keep special and hidden for your eyes only has become something that anyone can see for ten bucks. Do not let her strip man.. Dont let it happen.. I wish I was f---ing rich because I would western union you the money in a second! s---!

[DavidOS]

I think there are a few things lacking here, and i agree with other posters in stating the following

1) Putting up with the parents fighting is alot lesser an evil then degrading herself by stripping, and also degrading women into objects at mens disposal that can can be bought. Her self esteem would plunge and the chances of her not finishing school are great.

2) Patience is crucial, dont be affraid, sometimes lifes events take a turn for the worst. The reality is sometimes you have to wait for what you want, and the facts are you dont turn to the dirty, seedy side of life when things dont go your way.

3) If you are religious at all, or believe in god, pray. If you dont believe int god, even scientific studies have shown prayers to be effective, in making the quality of the persons overall life improve.

4) Selling your soul is not an option, as once you do it you dont recover fully from it. Its like the drug addict who took heroin for the first time and never stopped. The stipper who stripped for the 1st time and then got in with the stripper girls, snorted some coke and died, or some rich guy liked her and she turned for the worse and became his "b----" for money to pay for school or whatever else. The simple fact is she is a stripper and that is on her record somewhere in her life and on paper, and it will come back to haunt her.

5) Always love her and support her but do not support her stripping, if she does that she is disrespecting your wants, which makes it a selfish without thinking of you, your love, your feelings and her feelings for you. People who say respect her even if she does are confused, the matter of fact is she is only choosing this for herself and noone else and respect has nothing to do with her decision. Not even selfrespect. If she loves you she will not choose this option.

6) In life there are always 2 roads to take the low road and the high road.

When you take the low road its easier but at a cost to your values and morality, it also haunts you later on in life and you hurt people on teh way.

The high road is harder work, takes a bit more time, but people dont get hurt, your values are intact and you havent demoralized yourself or those around you, you come out at the end ontop, AND NO ONE CAN SAY YOU WERE WRONG.

i hope this small bits of wisdom help you and ill personally say a prayer for you guys

good luck my friend

[Chronicle-Rod]

"If she strips, she will be dead to me, I don't respect those people at all.."

Bottom line, you need to grow up. She needs the money, and this is one way that she can get it. Strippers aren't "whores" - they take their clothes off, not sleep with the audience.

Very few jobs out there for women who don't have the education, yet, that will pay anywhere near that well.

So...if you REALLY love her...either let her do it and deal with your own problems on your own time, or run out and get a job in the oilfield or something where you can make the money yourself.

You'd rob a bank, but think stripping is that bad...almost funny.

For what it's worth, when I was a DJ at the local bar we'd get strippers in. While there were some who were the 'typical' stripper - doing drugs and looking to make extra money 'after the show' - there were more who just needed the money. One was going to U of A and had just started stripping. She had a boyfriend, he was the one who drove her to shows. He didn't watch the show, but he was there afterwards to make sure she was ok.

Think about it.

[tw1st3d_cl0wn]

Well it seems like this girl has more options than just resorting to stripping. I mean, she's just got some issues with her parents, it's not like they're taking away the money, they're still wanting to pay. She might as well deal with her parents for a couple years more, she's dealt with them this long. But there are things she can do to make dealing with them easier. The whole stripping thing to me, kind of seems like her way of maybe getting back at her parents, or maybe she's just being dramatic. I don't know.

And his saying he'd rob a bank wasn't literal (atleast I hope), he's just trying to say how much he cares.

Every family has issues, and in a way I think this girl should be grateful that her parents are paying for school. Some kid's parents are way more dysfunctional. And although I do think her situation is hard, there could be alot more worse things that could be happening. I think she just needs to deal with it like an adult, rather than do the childish thing of just cutting off all ties and being a stripper. It's just dumb.

[Franko]

Bottom line, If she becomes a stripper.. it will ruin her life!

[johnnyb]

If you've ever talked to a stripper and ask her why she got into stripping the most common answer is "to pay for school." After they finish school the continue stripping because of the money she can earn. Lets face it here, you can earn a hell of a lot more stripping then you can being a dentist. I suggest she make amends with the family until shes finished school and make an arrangement with her parents thats basically this: whenever she asks for money she asks both the parents. This way her mother isnt just telling her father bs stories to get money out of him.

It may be tough but too many girls have been lured into the world of stripping to pay for school and never leave.

[Nallboy]

First off, I'm really sorry you're stuck in such a bad situation, man.

C-Rod: To some people, morals are a top priority and come before any "rationality" that the world may offer.

I agree with Michelle. While I was catching up on this post it stuck out to me that she was thinking only of getting back at her parents and how stripping would just prove how low she would go to get away from their control. She doesn't seem to be thinking about you and how it will make you feel. As a Christian myself, my opinion is of course influenced by my morals, and I feel the exact way you do. I have less respect for girls who dress like they put-out, much less girls who would take off their clothes for a living. There are so many cons here (most of which have already been pointed out). It would haunt her FOREVER. Her self-esteem will virtually disappear. No matter how hard you try to just accept it, your opinion will change.

My advice is to ensure her that you are on her side through it all. Make sure she knows that everyone isn't against her; the two of you are a team. But also let her know that she doesn't seem to be thinking of your feelings when she talks about things like stripping. Just love her and be with her to support her through it all.
I'll be praying for you too, bro.
-John

[jschrauwen]

What I failed to mention in my previous post for fear it may be looked at in the wrong light. Maybe, just maybe this may be her justification for doing something that's generally not accepted. A rationalization in that this will solve her school financial situation....and maybe it would. Let's stop for a moment and suppose that if this was a case of justification then there are underlying issues that only she is privy to. Maybe, deep within her is a desire to become a stripper for whatever reason. Lets face it, if we ever spoke let alone acted out some of strange things we all can conjer up inside our heads the other side of the world would really admonish us and hold us in distain. Being able to justify her motives may remove some of that embarrassment and basically make it ( in her mind) OK. This is really out there, but then again, anything is possible. This is not and never was intended to be a slam or put down or intentionally meant to degrade her but to simply to look at the other side of the coin if you will. I will not comment as to whether stripping is a good or bad thing. That is best left to the individuals directly concerned.