FAILED! Stories of hope!

[sk8erdude802]

Wow....that sucks.

Steve-O

[Mooneggs]

I think it's hilarious

[SuperK]

What's your employee #?

My FedEx ID #?

[sk8erdude802]

sounds like my newest pick up line. Im going to go home and try it on my GF and see what she says. "Hey baby, whats your employee #"

Steve-O

p.s. yes I do sometimes drop pickup lines on my girl...even though were together...its still funny. lol

[mitmaks]

... Or stories that make you feel better... because someone else sucks worse than you!



So recently (or not recently), what have you done that has just turned out BAD? Great intentions, miserable failure?

I have one that happened to me this morning, it's quite funny!


So I'm working at FedEx this morning, out on the dock... in the middle of the dock is this table where we put packages that's been damaged or items that have fallen out of boxes or such...

Anyways, I see this small black aerosol container, you know, the Axe ones, the body spray?

So curiously, I pick it up. I know there's another body spray... goodness, I can't remember the name of it... they have those wierd commercials where there's some hot chick that's like, "do you step up?" or something of the sort.

Anyways, my co worker, who's a good friend, starts walking towards me, while I'm holding this. It says, "New fragrance"

I pull the cap off...

I look at him...

I want to smell good! so I aim at my chest, push the button...


"pshh, pshh, pshhhk!" I spray three times... look down... and


AWW CRAP, IT WAS SHAVING CREAM!

SON OF A GUN!

lol that's why you don't F888 with other people's property. Seriously it's disrespectful and whoever does it to me I will kick their arse. Normally I'm pretty laid back guy though.

[SuperK]

Haha, it'll be thrown out... I just wanted to smell good before it was thrown out

[OldMan]

For 21 years I managed poultry farms in Georgia. One of the biggest problems I had to deal with was pests and predators. Seems like everything alive likes to eat chicken. One of the more pesky critters was the skunk. They would dig their way into a chicken house and look for an easy meal. They usually would find a dead bird and go to feasting on it or sometimes they would kill a bird or two.

I would sometimes come out of a chicken house at night and be confronted by a skunk that was looking for a way to get in. I always kept a loaded 22 mag rifle in the front seat of my truck for pest control purposes. Works great for dispatching skunks from a long distance, when they let you get to it.

One night I came out the front door of one of the houses and about 3 feet in front of me I saw something move in the darkness. I first thought it was a cat, as there were always plenty fo them hanging around. I turned on the flashlight I had in my hand only to discover not a cat but a skunk. He was a little agitated as I had scared him when I opend the chicken house door. He was patting the ground in front of him with his little paws giving me warning to get gone or he was gonna cut loose with some stink. So I made a perfect military about face to reenter the chicken house and centered the edge of the open door with my forehead. I hit my head so hard it dropped me to my knees, so I quickly crawled in the door and pulled it closed.

After a few second that it took for me to regain my senses I peeked out the door to see where the little stinker was. He was still there playing around with something. After about 5 minutes or so he started to move on away from the front of the building. I thought, yeah that's what I'm waiting for. I figured I could get to my truck and get the rifle and things would take a different turn for him. I think he must have read my mind because the little bugger played under my truck for about 20 mins or so, while all I could do is wait and watch.

Well he finally got far enogh away from the truck that I made a mad dash to get the rifle. The skunk made a mad dash for the culvert that went under the driveway. I thought, Ok that'll work. I got in the truck and backed it up about 50 to 60 feet and waited for him to come out one end or the other. He did come out about 10 mins later and I dropped him in his tracks without him spraying. I sat and waited about 10 mins to make sure he was dead then I got out and used a pitch fork to pick him up with, just slid it under his carcass no problem there.

Now this is where things went down hill. I had an incinerator that was used to dispose of the dead chickens and anything else that died. So I carried the dead skunk to the incinerator and placed him inside and closed the door. I went around to the back of it where the controls where. All I had to do was turn one little dial and it would ignite and burn anything that was in there. Well I turned that dial and instantly knew that I had just made a bad mistake. As soon as the flames hit the skunks body it instantly released it's load of spray, worse than if he had been alive. I ended up smelling like a skunk and then entire neigborhood along with me. In fact the neighbors a 1/4 mile away called the next day to ask what I had done to release such a big stink.

My wife would'nt let me in the door of the house, she through some clean clothes on the porch but would not let me in. I had to start a fire in a pile of damp tree leaves and stand in the smoke for about an hour to lessen the smell some. My wife had went to bed so I snuck into the house to take a shower for about an hour. I got to the point where I did'nt stink much I thought. I get about 5 feet from my bed where my wife is sleeping, when she sets up and looks at me in the darkness and said, "You still stink!" So I ended up having to sleep outside for about 2 weeks before she would let me sleep in my bed. Hell my dog even stayed away from me.

Moral: Dead skunks and fire don't mix. I learned how to live trap them with much more successfull results, altough the are some pretty funny stories there too.

OldMan

[SuperK]

You and skunks, OldMan... You and skunks... I think you have a little bit too much fun with them?


here's another story from the same morning as the shaving cream, happened two hours before, actually. I think it was just a bad morning for me

So I was driving on I 75 N going to work little before 5AM.
Right before my exit, the Hwy 153 exit, i am coming up to this cop. "Better slow down" I think, but end up passing him anyways. So I get on 153 and the cop gets on 153 with me. I get 100 yards from my job and...

*LOUDSPEAKER* BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL ON AISLE 153! BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL!

So my window doesn't, rather didn't, I changed out my door yesterday... anyways, didn't work, so I popped open my door and called, "sorry, window doesn't work!" And he's OK with that. I get the usual first question.

"Do you know why I stopped you?"

"Uh... ain't shur, ociffer *hic*" (No no no, I didn't say that, I just said, I wasn't sure)

"Speeding. (dangit!)"

Now you know, I 75, it's a freaking interstate, right? now how fast do you think I have to be going, in order to be stopped for speeding on the interstate? Think about how fast for a moment...

And with these exact words, he says this:

"Is there a reason why you're persisting 65MPH?"

"I could have sworn I was going 60..."

"Then is there a REASON why you're persisting 60MPH?" (he did say "persisting" ... twice. That's dayum right, i passed that sunuvagun cop going 60mph on I 75.)

Really, what do you say to that? He just STOPPED me for going 60MPH on a freaking interstate. NO WORDS!

"Uh... not really? It is 5AM, kinda early, you know?" (I'm feeling like a bit of a smartarse, the usual at this point)

"Where do you work?"

"uh, right up the road, at FedEx. See the nifty shirt? Says FedEx on it." I said with a smile, as I pointed at the big FEDEX GROUND embroidery on my shirt. (I did say nifty)

"Well, the SPEED limit is 55 around here. That's a 170 dollar fine if I write you up a ticket."

"That's fine, officer."

I would LOVE to hear what the judge would have to say. "Mr SuperK, stand and come forward... OK, so it says here, you were doing 60MPH on the interstate... Wait, what? 60MPH? Come here son, and let me shake your hand! Now pay your court fees. 80 bucks."
And that'd be the best court fees I'd have spent, to put that cop in his place. Seriously, go stop someone who's dangerous, reckless driving, or some drunk punks bothering the neighborhood.

The officer at this point then looked around kind of fidgety... It almost looked like frustration, but I know what it really was.

Fear.

Fear of the Black Beast he stood next to. He got in his car and drove away with speed.
It's menacing masking tape peeling off the side of the car. The rumbling horses under the hood. He knew. He KNEW! In who's presence he stood next to.
The Black Beast.

[solo_ryder]

JAJAJAJAJJAJA

OLD MAN

FTW

[tehbrookzorz]

Fear.

Ha ha. Priceless.

[SmoothMX3]

I shall waist the total 5 to 10 seconds it takes you to read this. (depending on how fast you can read, really...)

I own a Mazda MX-3...

I attempted to put CRX coilovers on to lower the car...

Once they were on the car...

The car had no drop, It went higher...

Failure point ... CRX coilovers on a MX-3

Hmm...

[SuperK]

I failed at taking a right hand turn recently...




It was the Curb Of Death.

[SmoothMX3]

So... I'm learning to be a coughhousewifecough... ehm, excuse me.

I decided to cook another meal for my family and let my wife take a break.(she usally cooks, I'm just now learning)

I tell her that I'm cooking Hamburgers (which will be cooked on this skillet type stove thingy, kinda like a george forman.. except this is flat.), also i'll be cooking baked potato's (which just recently, the wife finally got me to try, and i fell in love with em. I used to so they were nasty, but i really never tried em.) and macaroni and cheese. (kids love mac and cheese)

So, I put all the meat in a huge bowl, throw in some oyster sour sauce (i think thats what it's called, i dont know... they wife just said add this stuff to it), and mix it all over it. I balled up some meat, flattened it out. I then started to cook it. Between looking after it and making more patties... Boy, it was a job and a half. This whole house husband stuff is streeful. (btw, this is the first time ive cooked hamburgers lmao)
So finally... I get done.. only minor damage to my clothes, the walls.. etc... lol

I then start cleaned the walls... lmao ... My shirt has brown stuff on it and their is grease pretty much everywhere in that area. So... I break out the ol' wash rag.
I cleaned it all up and Wahhhh Lahhh. I cooked hamburgers!

Already had the baked potato's in the microwave. (thats how i like em cooked, it's quick and good) Time for the mac and cheese. I'm basiclly a pro with mac and cheese now...
I start boiling the macaroni..
I'll let that boil for a sec, while im on the mx-3 forums. Start replying to peoples threads and looking up acouple things... AH S&*^!!!!!!!!
I forgot about the macaroni!!!! ... Come in there and stir just a sec and puck up some of the macaronies, and it sticks to the spachla thing. it then kinda melts on it.

Ok.. everything is now done... we start eating.. the kids love the mac and cheese! YES!!!!
The wife takes a few bites of the hamburger and she says it's real good. I was feeling good. So... I take a bite of the hamburger. I start chompin on it and man this is good. next thing i know, something tastes tary kinda like. it's basiclly burnt. other then the burnt taste, it was good.

Was I a failure at this? ... I can't decide. wife says she likes em, but i taste some burntness. oh well, better luck tomorrow night.

[Vanished]

Ok here's a good failure that nearly cost me 400 dollars.

So I had this alpine type R sub, and this 600.1 Phoenix Gold Xenon amp (worth about 500 bucks or more).

Anyway it's all hooked up and ready to go. I'm like "man I can't hear the sub..turn up the gain!" It was set as zero. So what did i do?

I turned it the wrong way. Past zero. Fantastic. SO i had to pester PG for MONTHS to get the damn part. Finaly got it, and put it in. works like a charm!

[94drumx3]

Failure story:

A few years ago i bought my first car. I owned a 200sx and the clutch went out twice within a year (not my drivin, somethin faulty within).
Well, car got repoed and right before that i got a speeding ticket which couln't be paid so license got suspended.
So i got a bike (bicycle) and still managed to get two tickets. One for not having a license to ride a bicycle and two for not having a headlight on at night (i was in walmart's Lit up parking lot).
A month later i got my license back and got my mx-3 and murphy's first law kicked in...everything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Well i got a better job and lived within walkin distance and everything was lookin good. life was gonna be great. Got a new bike (motorcycle) had all my money saved up...then murphy's second law kicked in....When nothing can go wrong it will anyways. Fired from job, brand new motorcycle broke down, haven't been able to save up anything.
But i still have high hopes cause i just got a new job about two weeks ago and again i'm within walking distance so i'm pretty sure in a few months i'll have enough money saved up to fix my mx-3.